The Back Story, Part 2
So there I was broken, angry, afraid and completely lost but slightly relieved. A weight was lifted because I no longer had to deal with an alcoholic husband and my daughter no longer had to feel the emotional absence of the man she had known since the age of 4.
She no longer had to see her mother cry nor feel the cold energy that circulated throughout our home. I soon became consumed with a whirlwind of emotions and still striving to be the best mommy ever to my daughter. Little did I know, my life was about to spiral out of control, and God was going to keep tugging at me until I woke the hell up!
I have always had a relationship with God, grew up in church, sang in the choir, Sunday School, Vacation Bible School attendee in my adolescent years, and such. My maternal family made sure the word of God was in me okaaay. However, in my adult life, my spiritual walk wasn’t strong, and I had allowed myself to completely take my eyes off of him at different times.
In turn, it caused me to become completely oblivious to situations that didn’t serve me and carrying a weight that wasn’t meant for me to carry. I prayed and I went to church sometimes, but honestly, I was just going through the motions. Then one day I looked myself in the mirror and the tears wouldn’t stop running down my face. I must have cried for an hour that day, and every day for about a month I cried. Each tear I shed became more and more painless.
I began therapy and committed myself to the healing process. First of all let me say that therapy is everything. EVERYTHING! I will never understand the stigma surrounding therapy, but going to therapy is actually a very strong and courageous thing for any individual. It’s not easy to face the bare naked truths about yourself or candidly speak about your fears and unravel the layers of that “inner demon” and or deep-rooted issues.
I gave my therapy sessions my all and I slowly began to tiptoe into a peaceful place. I started tithing and going to church more. It would be a story if I said that things weren’t still foggy in my life. It was the notion of “now what” and also “what is my purpose?” Like Lord can you pleeaaasse just come sit on the couch next to me, eat some popcorn and tell me what’s up, I promise to listen lol.
Fast Forward to January 2019, I turned 40! My daughter & I moved out of our townhome and moved in with my parents. My daughter & I together in my old childhood bedroom. It was a humbling yet challenging experience. After a year of working hard to pay an enormous amount of debt, I had sewn seeds and continue to pray boldly for answers. I took the time to be completely still and embrace the presence of God. Then one day, it hit me…I realized that it was time to relocate and leave my comfort zone. So Lianna & I stepped out on faith!
Atlanta is that you?
