Empty Nesting can feel like you’re losing yourself, but in all actuality you are finding yourself. It’s a new chapter of self discovery. We hear about empty nesting all of the time, but let’s start by defining it. Empty Nesting is the period in which your children go away to college or move out of the family home to embark on their own lives. It is a time in which parents have less responsibilities and an abundance of free time. This is a pivotal moment in which parents are simply able to do whatever they want, but this new season of life comes with a great deal of emotions, self exploration, growth and new found freedom.
With my daughter turning 20 years old in a few days, these past few weeks have been full of self reflection. Prior to my daughter leaving for college last year, the longest that we had experienced being away from each other was maybe a month or a few weeks. Although I was super excited and grateful that my baby was going off to college, and not just college but the HBCU she wanted to attend; I knew that it was going to be a tough journey for me to and there would be difficulty adjusting. Being a mommy is all I had known, and subconsciously as parents we don’t realize how immersed we become in just simply being parents. The sacrifices we make, the dreams we put on hold, the things we put down all becomes normal. So what now? This season of life has been interesting as I navigate through my new found freedom. With therapy, constant prayer and support from my fiancé, family and friends, I am able to embrace life as an empty nester and find comfortability in new beginnings.
Here are a few things hat I’ve discovered about the season of empty nesting.
- Allow Yourself to Feel: The fear of letting go and being okay with your child facing the unknown can be a bit much. We question if we have equipped them with everything they need to be on their own, handle their responsibilities and most importantly make good decisions. We worry about their safety and that in itself comes with a great deal of anxiety. But this is the time to continue to cover them in prayer, this is the time to be confident that you have raised them up right and although they may be away from home they still need us, and we are one call, one FaceTime away. Feel all the feels because you will certainly have moments where you feel proud, feel empty and possibly even lost…and all of this is mixed with with smiles and lots of tears. Lean on your family and friends because I promise the journey will become easier.
- Welcome Healthy Relationships: I’m extremely close to my daughter, but when she left for North Carolina A & T, I was afraid that we wouldn’t be close anymore and my baby would forget all about her mommy. I quickly realized that we have an unbreakable bond. She misses me just as much as I miss her. Rest in knowing that all will be well with your child. Cherish the times you spend together, offer guidance, love & support as they navigate their young adult life. This is the time to embrace new relationships. You are never too old to make new friends. Pray for discernment, and adjust your heart posture to welcome genuine connections. Attend local events, and put yourself in places and spaces that present opportunities to meet people that are like minded, inspire you, pour into you and truly see you.
- Say YES to your Freedom: No more school drop offs, homework, school projects, cheer practice, tumble lessons, field trips, soccer practice, cheer competitions, basketball games, football games, sleepovers, birthday parties, buying the lil boyfriend or lil girlfriend gifts and the list goes on. NO MORE EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES! Yes! Your pockets will still be on lint balls. (College kids are expensive expensive lol)…But Sis, you can sleep in. You can do whatever you want to do. Walk around the house naked if you want to. LOL This time is so liberating and spontaneous! You’ve spent 18 years raising your child putting their needs first, and you last of course. It’s time for you to put YOU first. It’s going to feel weird at first, and you may even feel guilty. Perfectly normal! Reconnect with your passions and gifts. Pick up what you put down, and finish what you started. Reinvent yourself!
- It’s Not an Ending, It’s a New Beginning: First of all my baby is in college, and doing well. That is worthy of celebrating as she journeys on the path of independence and spreading her wings. I’m confident that she’s equipped with all that she needs, and I can love and support my daughter from afar. This season is blessing and time for new exciting adventures, and endless opportunities. You deserve this time! Buckle up and let’s enjoy the ride 🙂
